you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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