i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
