I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
