well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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