Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
