Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
