I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
