hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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