He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You need a sexual gate keeper
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
