Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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