it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
