You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
