I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
