i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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