if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
