I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
