She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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