I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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