pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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