DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
