toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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