btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
