Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
