Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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