sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize