I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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