I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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