You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
