she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
