genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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