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this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
