it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
