just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need water and some morals
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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