We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
