I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
