We're like a lot better than the average bears
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
