There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
