laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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