Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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