you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
