Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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