Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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