I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
