im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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