Im at strip club and am horny
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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