Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
