My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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