Sorry, I don't speak sober.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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