i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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