You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
