No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
