I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Drunk walkin through police station. America
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
