apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
