Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
