I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
