my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
