Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
