Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
