I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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