Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
