We're facebook friends in real life
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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