I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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