Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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