I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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