I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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