it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
