please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
