btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
false alarm. still invincible.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
