and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
