He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
