i need an iv and a liver transplant
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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