Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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