fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
