How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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