Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Congratulations! We have a period
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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