Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize