how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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