Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
