____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
