And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
