i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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