She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
