All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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