About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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