he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
