1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
