ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
