drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
