Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
