you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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