Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
