i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She just used a chaser for red wine.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
