I'm drive I can fine osifer
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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