I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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