I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
