If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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