You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
